BORING BIO

Folk humorist Mary Mack spends half her time convincing her Minnesotan mother it is okay to be a comedian and the other half driving to gigs. She has been featured on the nationally syndicated "Bob and Tom" radio show and was the winner of the 2005 California Funniest Female contest. In 2006 Mary was invited to the Vancouver Comedy Festival and maintained a heavy tour schedule. She was selected out of hundreds of applicants to participate and showcase at a NACA convention (National Association of Campus Activities.) Mary's endearing stage presence and off kilter comedy, combined with mandolin sing alongs was a standout and the showcase resulted in a string of enthusiastically received college shows. Mary's unique style draws from her varied and equally unique background ranging from schoolteacher to polka band leader.

GOOD BIO

I was born on a pirate ship in the middle of the desert. I guess the oceans receding thing is right. Anyway I was born on this boat on dry ground when, low, this white stork swooped down from the sky (not from the heavens, because that would take too long) and he swooped just a little more down and exclaimed, "Low again, here's a baby. I've been looking for one of these for a while now. How 'bout if I rescue you from this boat, dry lander?" And I, not talking yet at such a young and impressionable age, said, "What the hell. I don't care." So the stork, knowing skin color, not love, dropped me off in Minnesota with a couple of honkies who already had a whole bunch of honky kids (apparently, our skin matched at the time). And then those parents said, "Low for the third damn time. We didn't really want a white one again, but alas, storks only knoweth skin color, not love. Yet even so, we'll love her just to spite that f'ing stork." After five years, the parents said, "All ye kids and you in the bell tower, we will move north to the Wisconsin woods so ye can eat cleaner dirt." And we kids said, "What the hell," except our oldest brother who was too busy planting pot between the corn rows of my parents urban garden. This particular son said only, "Give me forty acres and I'll turn this rig around." But this not being his bio, I left with my family to the woods where my youngest brother was almost run over by a mama moose out in the horseshoe pit, and I being of the passive aggressive sort, enjoyed the incident somewhat, and had a good day that day. But that is neither here nor anywhere else in the nearby vicinity, and the whole point is we all just moved up to the sticks where we learned the art of being slightly humorous, because there was nothing else to do. Amen.